On Moving On For Reals

The last time I have written something personal was when I got my heart broken for the first time. Well, writing was my therapy then. When the pain healed and I became happy again, I didn't have the urge to write anymore.

A few days ago, we agreed to meet in a place which we consider as our comfort zone. As we were catching up with our stories, I realized how some traits stayed the same, how our own perspectives matured and how we learned from everything that had happened.

If breaking up is hard to do, moving on is even harder. The actual break-up only takes a couple of minutes but the process of moving on may take months and years.

Sometimes you two have moved on, but the people around you haven't yet. The people in your common circle will take sides. In my case, I think the judgement of these supposedly close people to me is more hurtful and more lingering than the break-up itself. Some people dwell on the breakup so much that they forgot the context leading to it.

You burn some bridges but you also build some. He knew back then that my world revolved on one thing only. After breaking up, I chose to become less active and explore the other side of the world I have now. I have met another group of friends and I've become close to them since.

Everything takes time. Patching up all the wounds of the broken relationship took years before everything and everyone was relieved. Now we can just laugh at our setbacks, remember and cherish the good times and learn from the bad times. If I were to read all the bitter posts I have written before (Thank you Multiply for deleting them) I would have been a little embarrassed for all the sentimentality and anger they have projected.

There really is a reason why you two didn't work out. I knew back then that the relationship has an expiration date. With all the pressures and the drama we both had as individuals, it was difficult to grow together. In our case breaking up because of another party wasn't the real reason, I believe it was something more internal to the relationship such as the words left unsaid and the actions left undone.

Friendship is still the best foundation of any romantic relationship. Some say that ex's cannot be friends anymore but I think there is an exception to that. If you were good friends to begin with, time will come that you can become friends again without any awkwardness.

You both deserve better. I found mine and I hope he will find his someone special someday.

Love Actually

Maybe it's a little bit too much.
Especially for someone who wanted some closure.
Sounds a getting back together meet up to me.
But who am I really to judge?

At one time everything is perfect.
Then just one big mistake it will transform into a predicament.
You wanted it to be forever.
But situations predict otherwise.
Yesterday, you were so furious and angry and frustrated.
Now, you're the hopeless romantic.
That I've never seen before.

There are so many things I do not understand.
The intricacies of love, fate and relationships.
You keep on trying not to mess things up.
The next day you find yourself reflecting on what went wrong.
Kinda makes me sad when long relationships come to an end.
How about ours? Will it also turn into a bitter end?

My Big Love

It was the same time last year when I called you up just to greet you. You told me that no one have ever called you at 12 am just for that and that I was the first one. That was also the first time I did that.

I have the knack for preparing birthdays especially to special individuals in my life. I convinced you to attend Mass at the Cathedral to thank Lord for another year He has given you. After the Mass, we ate at Shakey's, anxious if anybody familiar sees us. The day after, I prepared several surprises for you with the help of some close friends. The happiness in your eyes can't be hidden as you thank me for celebrating that special day with you. And you know that the next day, our little fantasies will be over and we have to face the issues that confront us. I just have to let you go.

But unintentionally, we actually didn't let each other go. And here we are, still in our blissful fantasies, now trying to make them reality. Our love letters may have gone but the I-love-you's never disappeared, not even for a single day since we've been together. You told me we still have forever to make this love lovelier.

You told me to make a list of our to-do's so that you won't be able to forget all the plans we have. Well, here is my working list (those I remember):

-Go on Kart Racing (You promised me this! haha)
-Ride the Pasig Ferry (kasalanan ng I Miss You Like Crazy)
-Watch fireworks together (yeah. we watched back when we were just friends, it's different when we're already a couple. cheesy much)
-Go to Dahilayan Forest Park, Bukidnon (kasalanan naman ito ng Forever and A Day)
-Go Island Hopping and Snorkeling at Coron, Palawan (it's sooooo beautiful there!)

Namentalblock na ata ako. haha

-Be close to each other's families and circle of friends
-Go to Singapore (mayaman? haha.)
-Watch a concert together
-Go to Vigan,Ilocos Sur (for more historical trips!)
-Go to Tagaytay (dapat kasi ngayon na to kaya lang natakot sa fish kill. haha)
-Roadtrip! (dpat atin na kang car)
-Comedy bar! (last year pa to, hindi na matuloy-tuloy)
-Try more and more and more and more restaurants and kainans

It's a working list. And I hope one by one we can put a long slash on them.

I have the same wish for you. Happiness. Happiness in every aspect of your life. A successful career, a loving family and group of friends. A good health (hindi na pwedeng maospital ulit!)

Though we have some really tough times lately, I know that this relationship is still worth fighting for and I still have the high hopes that this will last long. You'll always be my big baby, the one I'm taking care of when you're sick or lonely and the one who makes me happy. You've called me your baby for over a year now, the one brat you always have to be patient with and the one who makes you happy. This may not be a perfect relationship, but we know it's real.

I love you boss. And a happy birthday to you :)