Love Actually

Maybe it's a little bit too much.
Especially for someone who wanted some closure.
Sounds a getting back together meet up to me.
But who am I really to judge?

At one time everything is perfect.
Then just one big mistake it will transform into a predicament.
You wanted it to be forever.
But situations predict otherwise.
Yesterday, you were so furious and angry and frustrated.
Now, you're the hopeless romantic.
That I've never seen before.

There are so many things I do not understand.
The intricacies of love, fate and relationships.
You keep on trying not to mess things up.
The next day you find yourself reflecting on what went wrong.
Kinda makes me sad when long relationships come to an end.
How about ours? Will it also turn into a bitter end?

My Big Love

It was the same time last year when I called you up just to greet you. You told me that no one have ever called you at 12 am just for that and that I was the first one. That was also the first time I did that.

I have the knack for preparing birthdays especially to special individuals in my life. I convinced you to attend Mass at the Cathedral to thank Lord for another year He has given you. After the Mass, we ate at Shakey's, anxious if anybody familiar sees us. The day after, I prepared several surprises for you with the help of some close friends. The happiness in your eyes can't be hidden as you thank me for celebrating that special day with you. And you know that the next day, our little fantasies will be over and we have to face the issues that confront us. I just have to let you go.

But unintentionally, we actually didn't let each other go. And here we are, still in our blissful fantasies, now trying to make them reality. Our love letters may have gone but the I-love-you's never disappeared, not even for a single day since we've been together. You told me we still have forever to make this love lovelier.

You told me to make a list of our to-do's so that you won't be able to forget all the plans we have. Well, here is my working list (those I remember):

-Go on Kart Racing (You promised me this! haha)
-Ride the Pasig Ferry (kasalanan ng I Miss You Like Crazy)
-Watch fireworks together (yeah. we watched back when we were just friends, it's different when we're already a couple. cheesy much)
-Go to Dahilayan Forest Park, Bukidnon (kasalanan naman ito ng Forever and A Day)
-Go Island Hopping and Snorkeling at Coron, Palawan (it's sooooo beautiful there!)

Namentalblock na ata ako. haha

-Be close to each other's families and circle of friends
-Go to Singapore (mayaman? haha.)
-Watch a concert together
-Go to Vigan,Ilocos Sur (for more historical trips!)
-Go to Tagaytay (dapat kasi ngayon na to kaya lang natakot sa fish kill. haha)
-Roadtrip! (dpat atin na kang car)
-Comedy bar! (last year pa to, hindi na matuloy-tuloy)
-Try more and more and more and more restaurants and kainans

It's a working list. And I hope one by one we can put a long slash on them.

I have the same wish for you. Happiness. Happiness in every aspect of your life. A successful career, a loving family and group of friends. A good health (hindi na pwedeng maospital ulit!)

Though we have some really tough times lately, I know that this relationship is still worth fighting for and I still have the high hopes that this will last long. You'll always be my big baby, the one I'm taking care of when you're sick or lonely and the one who makes me happy. You've called me your baby for over a year now, the one brat you always have to be patient with and the one who makes you happy. This may not be a perfect relationship, but we know it's real.

I love you boss. And a happy birthday to you :)

Break-Up

One of my final requirements for my PanPil12 class is to gather all my past facebook statuses and make a poem out of them, with very minimal editing. Well, this is the end product.

Break-Up

This is too much to take..
Maybe you are right. i just had enough of you...
Kung may problema, pwede naman nating pagusapan di ba?
Or maybe that was too much to ask..

Saan na napunta yung sinasabi nilang "chemistry" nating dalawa?
Why am i getting the feeling that i'm not yet enough for you?
Will it always be so close yet so far away?
I thought it was real, then i woke up and realized that it was just a dream..

This time i don't think i'll take the risk
It's kinda hard giving up when I invested so much. but enough is enough
Ayoko na. Lagi na lang ganyan.
Hindi ko gusto ang mga nangyayari pero parang wala nman akong magagawa..

It has been a year.
Why am i feeling this way again? this shouldn't be.
Sinanay mo kasi ako eh, yan tuloy...
Past is past. wag na lang magpaapekto.

Get over it.
Mind your own business. Enough with messing my life.
If it's meant to be, it will be.
Kung tayo, tayo talaga.

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well, some lines don't perfectly fit. it's hard you know. haha.

While I was retrieving my past fb statuses, I realized how sentimental I can get when I post them. Parang may gustong patamaan talaga. I can't help but reminisce the stories behind these. There I realized the reason why it all went wrong and how it eventually worked out for everyone. :)

Over It

It took me less than a week to get over it.
To be over that night when I played Spider Solitaire to divert my attention.
There are many things that I should be thankful for.
I learned who my true friends are. And those who really care.
And just like last year, I know the next academic year will be full of fun surprises for me.

Life is like a game. You have to take your chances.
I took mine.
And just like any other game, there are the ones who go home happy and some who don't.
I guess I belonged to the latter.

Maybe I had my time. And it was over.
I have no one to blame.
I do not really care anymore.

Maybe I should write the Specific Plan of Action of my own life.
Fix all the mistakes I have previously committed,
Before I take over in trying to fix others.
Find ways to be happy, contented and successful in the near future.

I'm done with this dream, this aspiration.
I have to accept that I am not for it, or some don't want me for it.
I'm over this.


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Remember that time when I said that life will never be the same for the both of us since that somebody left. Yeah, I have proven that right.

The Notebook

And today I realize how much I miss you..
How you handled my emotions very well..
How you have called me before I go to sleep and the moment I wake up..
How you've assured me that everything will turn out fine..
How you've been there for me..
That was our closest moment..

But I can't mess up your life once again..
Nor become a part of it again, even as friends..
We are just so distant..
Not even that notebook made us speak to each other..

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So this is how it feels to be heart broken, twice..
Just give me a little time and I'll be back..
hopefully..

Crying over spilled milk

It was that epic afternoon of March 17, 2010. I was (badly) influenced by Aries and Lawi to cut classes, go to the mall and watch a movie. I was in a vulnerable state then, having lost the elections for the position I was aspiring for ever since I was an applicant. The only consolation I had in my mind then was my love life. Since we both lost that election, at least we can have more time together for the next academic year, which apparently didn't happen. Then there came that epic moment, the source of laughter of some of my friends, that epic video.

To those who haven't figured out why I was crying over spilled milk (as the caption of the video stated), here is how I remember it.

While we were waiting for the movie, Remember Me to start, we opted to eat our lunch at Jollibee at the Annex of SM North EDSA. After eating, Aries got my phone, then he told me that he texted Gboi some profane words. I was vulnerable, thinking that my love life was the only thing that was in place then, I started crying, then there went the video. haha.

I won't forget that day for that was the afternoon they have convinced me to vie for VC for EdRes for the Sanlahi. A fall back for some but an opportunity for me. The following week, I ran against abstain and won without really knowing the responsibility I am getting into.

I remembered that night of the turn over with the previous Sec when we had some drinks then went Rockband while we were a little bit tipsy. Haha. Then upon arriving to my friend's house, I cried all night because of someone then I had allergies the following day. After my mind was back in place, I realized that this is it. That what I ran for is real.

I started almost from scratch. It's a good thing that my co-Sec were active for the past Sanlahi years and they guided me towards knowing and eventually loving the work that I have.

I was a complete stranger to everyone and to the post I am handling. But through time, I learned to love and enjoy what I am doing and I believe that I have done a really great job.

It's about time I have to bid goodbye. I haven't trained anybody. I do not know who will succeed me. But what I know is I've done my job well and it's time to turn over this great opportunity and post to someone who'll also eventually love it.

And to those 6 people I've worked with for the whole year, you know that I'll miss you. I've learned a lot from you and our experiences. We weren't that close as the previous secretariat members were, but I believe we were able to create a bond among ourselves. A bond that we will always remember when we reminisce our college life. :)

An Ode to Pare

Once upon a time I was asked by a close friend if we were romantically involved.
We were somewhat close then.
But I didn't like you, in the romantic sense. I loved you as a friend. Somebody else had a special attraction with you, your music and your hair that she described as very likely to a coconut husk. She is my best friend in our class.
Remember Ma'm Zom's question for bonus? Who is your crush in your class? Haha. You were my closest guy friend there, but that doesn't answer the question. I wrote the name of my crush, the Bicycle Guy. My best friend wrote his name also. But I know she was only shy to write your name.

3 sems later we were classmates again in Math. I often ridicule you for that was already your second take and we almost have similar scores in exams.
When we walk back to AS from Math, you would always talk about your ROTC training, the guns you handle and your girl crushes. Haha.

Now we are partners in another subject. Closer than ever.
Although it looks like I joke about your not so good love life, I have always admired your sweet gestures and efforts for this woman you liked. I just hope everybody would possess that perseverance. Corny yet very sweet. You'll find the right one for you. Just wait.

I am happy with our circle of friends, makes me appreciate my course even more. Haha. I hope we graduate on time. Haha!

Happy Birthday Pare!

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We're halfway through. I know we'll make it. We'll put an end to that curse. I believe in the power of love and in us. :)

Useless Rants

You never seem to like me, or to understand me at the very least.
I do not know. Is it me being too serious? too geeky perhaps? or just being too quiet?
Can this be traced back when you hated me for being in your pictures when we were children? You writing a letter how terrible I am as a kid because of that. That's just too painful that it can't be erased from my memory.

I shouldn't be acting like this.

Wow, you all belong in one Facebook group, yeah, including those people who shouldn't really belong there. And me? not invited.

You set up a dinner at McDonald's awhile ago. Facebook posts. And again, not tagged, not included, not even invited by you. My parents were persuading me to come. Sabi ko "hindi naman ako nainvite, bakit ako pupunta?". Mabuti pa ang mga ka-on niyo kasama, akong dapat nandyan hindi nyo man naimbita. Haha. Hindi ba't ang pinagpaalam niyo, lakad ng magpipinsan yan? Hahahaha. I was about to reveal something to my parents something but I just held my mouth shut. You people may have hated me more.

Child-like? Maybe yes. But I just really feel bad about this.

Whatever I've done to you, I do not know. I tried reaching out but you just make me out of place when we are all together.

I know I should say this to you directly and personally.
Maybe at the right time and at the right place.
For now, these will remain to be rants, useless rants.

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Just like what I told you earlier, if it weren't for you, I will still be the girl who throws tantrums at the tambayan, ranting and crying my heart out. However senseless or meaningful my thoughts are, I know I've got you to listen to them. Thank you for that.

"Cause when I think of you, I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone"